Is it painful to be sad,of course it's,but it's even sadder to be in pain that you can't share others their happiness.Yesterday I was like this so sad and frustrated that in the middle of all the good things and atmosphere around me,I couldn't be happy, rather I wanted to run very far away to cry and get this out,but I couldn't.I stayed in this condition the whole night,despite the fact that every thing around me was beautiful and cheerful,but the fact that you weren't there kept being a burden on my heart I couldn't lift...although now I feel like I am exaggerating but these were my feelings yesterday,so is this exaggeration or not still don't know?!! 

These words have been stored for a very long time, so I wanted to get them out today,I just want to express my astonishment towards myself,this self that forgets whatever hurting it or causing pain after seeing certain people,those who taught me the real meaning for friendship and sincerity,of being selfless and straight forward no cunning, who care about you whenever you are happy and specially when you're hurt.Also I have come across something that whenever I see it I forget all my sadness and pain,why I don't know it just happen,may be because they taught me new feelings I have never known before, or I really don't know, these are just some accumulated feelings in my head and heart ,although I can't quietly express them, I have tried my best to reflect some of them....

I decided to write now to get these feelings out, yes I wanna talk to this person so much and I wanna see him,but as usual it's useless,although I can call him,but my pride prevents me and the fact that this might lead to something i don't want and I fear forbids me from doing so. How to end this I don't know, it's so hard to lose one of your friends and a person so close to you, damn I hate these complications that end wonderful relationships....please God grant me patience and peace of mind.....

Have you ever been proud of someone? It's really a great and wonderful feeling to be proud of someone ,because this person has not failed your expectations,yet he raised them more and more, made you expect more and look for more. You really never fail my expectations and always make me proud that I have made the right choice despite others opinions, my feeling is so great that I wish I could tell every body that this is you, the real one. And finally thank you so much for making me happy and giving me this bit of laughter and cheerfulness....

I feel like these many feelings are suffocating me,they are just accumulated in some place ,with no words to describe them,to get them out of this place,may be because there are no words to express them,however they are still killing and suffocating,like a very heavy burden on my chest ,preventing me from breathing....get out I want to breeeeeeeeeeeeeathe....

I feel tired of my great expectations of always looking for the best or it's not the best ,it's just what I like and want to have, however everyone tries to convince me that these are unreal and like hallucinations.I might have believed so too just if I have not seen these expectations in someone,although I know this person is not for me,but his presence gave me hope and me just hope to find someone like him.I was really surprised to find someone to meet my hopes but at the end it's like a dream,however it gave me hope for the better, and for my dream to come true one day...yes I feel like being in a cage or to put it better a dream,I know this dream is not real and the cage is refraining me but I like it so much and don't wanna escape, may be because I know that this is safer or because reality is always worse, I just wanna know will I ever escape this or find a way out of it,.................

Have you ever felt that you want to disappear,to just fade away and keep yourself hidden in a very far away place where no one can recognize or disturb you, I really want to go to that place to stay by myself and be away from everything else, without being bothered or burdened by other thoughts, just to fade away. If this is good or bad ,I don't know, but I think it's bad cause I'll be detaching myself from life,It's true I want to be separated from life ,from everything around me to be alone,alone,alone. It's escaping,yes,however I just want to escape even if this was bad, so please yarab help me to escape and leave this burdening feeling...